Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize