She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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