so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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