Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
