I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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