My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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