New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
