she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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