She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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