A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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