just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
