3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
