I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
