Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
