So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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