I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
