that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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