Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
