is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
