he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
