glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize