we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
