She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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