god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
