We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
