just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
