I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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