I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
