It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
