you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
