Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
