im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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