Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
