we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
