you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
