My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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