Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
