this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
