Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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