he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
