she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
