why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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