I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
