I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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