Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
