how do flat chested girls get laid?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
