I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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