Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can I color on your dick again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
