i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
