maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
