OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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