there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
