did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
