if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize