Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
