I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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