so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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