You can't motorboat a personality
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
