Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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