so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
