I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
