I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
