So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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