tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
