how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Edward fifth and chaser hands
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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