just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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