update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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