i used baking grease as lip gloss
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
