4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
