I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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