mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize