I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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