broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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